Well you just could just not make it up, as the old saying goes.

Last year (2012) The Walter Cumper hunters club was alerted to a chap posing next to a building in full CBA C8 and oddly, draped over his shoulder a Low Level Parachute and even more oddly holding the Para bag which to those in the known is attached to the side of the Parachute pack and used to pack the parachute away after you have landed. So the big question, Why would you pose holding that out?

So we thought it prudent to have a little look at our Mark and once we scratched the surface all sorts of waltish surprises came flooding out. The shadowy pic on his face book profile, the hints of our intrepid warrior on the hills or just openly gobbing off

”I’m special forces”

Once he was exposed and even after generating 464 votes during the world famous Walter Mitty of the year 2012.

He started to cry foul and that we have got it all so wrong and demanded we take it all down. with the obvious reporting us for bullying to FB admin.

As per walt SOPs he took down all his bragging photos and replaced it with normal photos. Then the fight to get his pictures and outing taken down and attempt to convince the Group and ARRSE we had all got it so wrong.

First Mark claimed to the Group and on ARRSE that he was still serving in ” a certain unit” that he would not name as it was secret but insisted we could find him on DII and the Army Net under 2035allen. The Defence Information Infrastructure is only accessible to those still serving in the Armed forces and civil servants. The Army Net is accessible to all who served and is open and not secure. You can register with your name number and DOB, than once in you can create your profile without it being checked out by the web master. The only thing checked against records are the three bits of information you are required to submit on registration. So off to Army net and DII we went. DII came back with a nil return under Mark Allen and his last four 2035, We will add Mark refused at this point due to his top secret posting to divulge he first four.

We then checked Army Net and we did find 2035allen. but on closer inspection Mark had been a cheeky little tike and submitted rather misleading information about himself as the screen shots make clear. Why would anyone still serving in UKSF post on an open un secure web page that you are a Sgt in 22 SAS based at Credenhill? words fail how much we chuckled.

However, we still checked with our friends and you would have thought a Sgt would have been known. Yep you guessed it. Not known!

We then asked Mark Allen why his profile was openly posting details of his rank ,unit and location against Special Forces personal security procedures which are published in their standing orders on an un secure web page, to which out intrepid hero claimed must have been hacked and he will get to the bottom of it once he has returned from overseas.

We then let on that we had checked DII and that he was no where to be found and again some back peddling by mark as his reply was “Who said I was still serving, I never did” Oh yes you did!

Then a period of demands by Mark that we wait until he gets back from where he was working “overseas”. Once we began to turn up the heat and explain that we had checked with the RAF and he could not found on their parachutist data base, Mark became desperate to convince he was the real deal and played his wild cards by sending us his Military Parachute course certificate and a pay statement.

Confusing? you bet! Mark then claimed he earned his British Parachute Wings on a course held in Washington DC in the good old US of A. Strange as the RAF have no such schools out there and the RAF do not run courses for basic students other than RAF Brize Norton in the UK. Checks were made with 2 Group who do authorise the odd out of area courses for HALO but as we thought it was all Billy bollox as was the fake certificate in 2004 the certificate issued looked completely different.

We noted it was made out to Trp Mark Allen but then his pay statement was very odd as it had him down as a PTE with C Sqn 21 SAS (a) (r) and not a Tpr. After a quick phone call. It turned out as we thought, our Mark Allen international man of mystery and like the Baron James Shortt was attached as a blanket stacker for a very short period and was never a badged member of the regiment. In fact the only selection he had done was navigating the map on a box of bournville selection.

http://www.facebook.com/mjallen2035 (Now Deleted)

I wonder if his mates know?

Verdict

A bloating Walter Cumper. Will they ever learn!

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